“The way we talk to our children eventually becomes their inner voice,” said Peggy O’Mara, the famous publisher and Chief Editor of “Mothering” magazine. She’s also the mother of four children. This saying is so true; our words and sentences, the tone of our voice and body language directly affect our children. The phrases that we direct at our children stay deep within their subconscious mind, in the places where they store their sense of who they are, their sense of well-being, their fears and doubts. This inner voice, this self-talk starts defining the way we feel about themselves when we grow up. The way we feel about ourselves determines our choices and behavior later in life. In a many ways, these words become our fate.
That is, unless we decide to change our inner voice.
These are phrases that children need to hear so they can grow up and become happy, confident adults.
It’s okay to be angry, I’ll help you calm down.
It’s okay to be sad, I will sit with you.
It’s okay to be disappointed. I feel the same way sometimes. It’s normal.
I like you.
You are important to me.
I am listening to you.
I am here.
You don’t have to make me happy.
You are bigger than your emotions, they will pass.
You’ll learn to handle your emotions no matter how intense they are.
I want to watch you playing.
Of course, I will join you.
Let’s spend some time together.
You make me smile.
I believe in you.
I trust you.
You’re able deal with it.
Nobody is perfect, but our love is perfect.
I am proud of you.
It’s okay to make mistakes.
I am glad you’re here.
Your life is valuable.
You are valuable.
You are strong.
I am proud that I am your Mom (or Dad).
You are courageous.
I forgive you.
I think about you.
I missed you.
It’s okay that you changed your mind.
It’s okay to say no.
It’s okay to ask for help.
I hear you.
I see you.
Please forgive me.
You make my life better.
You are capable.
You are worthy.
You mean a lot to me.
And the main one:
I LOVE YOU.
Think about your own inner self-talk. What are the things you say to (or think about) yourself all the time? What are the things you wish your parents (or other significant people in your life) told you?
Say these things to yourself NOW! And repeat them often until you start believing them. This way you can change your own fate. It’s never too late.
(translated from Russian, author is unknown)